The Greatest Love of All

Don’t look for Love, look for the one looking for Love.    Rumi

One can never "fall" in love, you must rise to it's level of consciousness. Love is not a feeling, it's a state of MIND!  ~ T.C. Carrier~

So I have been feeling better lately, more energy, more hope, less discontent. It's funny how when I really become aware of the darkness I am slipping into and I make up my mind that I truly don't want to go there how quickly I can pull myself out of it. At least most of the time anyway, on the times that I can't I figure there's a reason and I relax and I sit in it quietly, waiting for someone or something to come throw me a branch to get me out of the quicksand. And God always does... Like my good friend Wendy always taught me "what you resist persists". She is so right...

Anyway one Friday night I was down the shore at a bar with a whole bunch of meetup people. Someone had posted for us to come celebrate her birthday so a good sized crowd turned out. I contemplated posting one for my own birthday as it was a few days after hers but decided not to. I don't know which stopped me more, my dislike of crowds and attention on myself or my fear that few would show up. I recalled it had been a few years since any friend had gone out of their way to do anything for me, it was my friend Victor for my 50th, a shame we don't talk anymore.....but at any rate I never did post a celebration, maybe I will for my 55th....

Speaking of Victor, we still don't talk anymore, not since that big falling out over our business and also him pushing me too darn hard with his plans of how I should change my life. Part of it was good plain old caring but also a part of it was him being more controlling than he realized, it got to the point that I had to break away in order to hold onto me. We do have mutual facebook friends though and on occasion we will cross paths, one day getting into a talk on healthy diet, or other such things. I think the ice breaker for that was a few days before the same mutual friend had posted the healing health benefits of hugging and I recanted the story of the time my little voice asked me to hug my friend each time I saw him in a manner that our hearts would touch.He knew I was referring to him I am sure of it. Anyway this night he showed up at the event and I didn't feel any negative vibrations between us and I also noted that he had a girlfriend now, she looked rather sweet and he seemed reasonably attentive to her (not at all like how I remembered him to be with other women he had dated) and most of all I noted how thin she is. This was always very important to him and I was glad to see he had found what he wanted and at the same time I did not feel bad that I was NOT that thin. What progress! I wished I could go over and introduce myself to her, even maybe give her a spiritstone, but I didn't know if he was ready to talk to me or not so I left it be. I may have forgiven and forgetten but I do not know his heart.

I spent the remainder of the evening chatting up all my friends especially the ones who had come from my singles chat nights. We made plans to come again and they told me how they wished we had bracelets to identify the Single and Looking in NJ peeps from the rest. I told them my spiritual adviser had been telling me to get some and I promised then and there to take the financial risk and order some. It was a very good night and driving home later the song on the radio was The Greatest Love of All. As I belted it out at full voice in the car (something I would never dare dream of doing at Karaoke) I realized that I had finally finally finally learned to Love myself! I was happy being me and I was happy being single still for now and I had a pretty darn good life and I loved me just the way I am no matter who else did or did not!

The following week I went out to Karaoke, a KJ I knew was now in a town near me every other Tuesday and I looked forward to being able to go regularly. I asked my friend Edie to come over from Staten Island to eat dinner with me and I knew she loved to sing and was really really good too. She chose her songs and put them in for the KJ, first one was "Where the Boys Are" second one was "The Greatest Love of All". I told her the story of that song last week and she said good for me. She sang the first one and I felt it was a message for me: A smilin' face, a warm embrace, two arms to hold me tenderly, where the boys are someone waits for me....... I felt it to be true! Later in the evening she got up to do her second song, The Greatest Love of All, and she got up grabbed my hand and pulled me off the chair, reaching for a second mic from the KJ with her other and told me to sing NOW darn it! I took the mic and I started off slowly and then got really into it, matching her note for note even on the hardest ones! It felt soooooooooooo good too, I always wanted to sing I LOVE to sing but there was always someone there telling me I wasn't good enough, the loudest voice of course my own. Truth be told sometimes I was not, when fear chocked my voice or anxiety strangled my vocal cords into bad notes. In the car, in the shower, sure I could sing but not if anyone could possibly be listening. But not this night, not with a loving friend by my side. And when the song ended EVERYone was coming over and patting me on the back telling me how amazed they were, even Edie said she never expected that out of me and trust me this bad ass Italian NY-er she don't give praise unless she means it! I plan to go back there often and I plan to sing more often too and who knows maybe someday I will sing one alone.....

I am feeling much happier these days, I posted a few events, I ordered the bracelets, I found things to keep me buys and my mind off my lack of a man. I am fine without one and trust and not curse my lords timing on this. And most of all I did find my greatest love just like the song says--- I found it inside of me! So can you! Don't give up on your path! Don't give up on your great love! Start with YOU, what ways can you love yourself more today?

With Love and in the Light, Cassie


The Greatest Love of All

"Greatest Love Of All"I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody's searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs
A lonely place to be
And so I learned to depend on me
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all
I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
And if, by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love