Beautiful

I haven't written a blog post in quite sometime now, there are a few reasons for that. One, my life has been pretty routine and not too passion filled that I felt I had anything worthy to write about that anyone else would care to hear about. If you read my earlier Cassie's Path series  you know I went through quite an intense few years there awhile back, and heck it was time for me to relax some...and well......I kinda thought I had learned all I really needed to learn, all the biggies anyway and I have spent a great deal of time teaching and helping others from the lessons I learned. I had evolved quite a bit and by golly I deserved peace in my old age, nor more work! I have after all turned 55, an official senior citizen, eligible to eat off the senior menu in many an establishment.. LOL

But I digress....on with the message that I wish to share today. A message on how to be beautiful.. I am a person who has always had a weight issue. The main reason being is when I was born my mother went into a a bit of a nervous break down the day I was born as my father left her and went to law school and never looked back (they were not married and I was born in 1960).....Anyway....she lay and cried and cried for days and tried to nurse me but did not make anything for my nourishment. I went from a 7 lb birth weight to a 3 lb weight at my first check up. Grandma heard about that, got a ride to Columbus and brought us both home to live with her and my PopPop and she fattened me up good! I won't tell you how hard it was to grow up being overweight....I did manage to get down to a size 12 when I got married but divorce packed the lbs on again. My current weight as I write this today is 234 lbs....not heavy enough for a gastric by pass but heavy enough for diabetes and to keep me from doing all the activities I'd like to do like hiking and biking...

So yeah I am fat, and as I tell myself each time I see a photo of myself that someone sneaked and took at an event I am ugly too. That's what I keep telling myself over and over and over again. I am envious of the pretty girls, the ones all the guys want. It hasn't changed since junior high either, always the same old story. Guys LOVED me for who I was but most of the time I wasn't the one they wanted to date. Looking back I think a lot more guys liked me that I ever noticed, and when I look at pictures of me younger when I thought I was so fat and so ugly I think what was I thinking I wasn't so ugly then, NOW I am ugly! LOL So needless to say I have gone to bed at night and said my prayers and many times what I said was I want to be pretty. It wasn't something that I prayed every night, just sometimes, particularly when I hosted yet another singles event and some guy I had my eye on ended up liking one of my friends instead.

Then one night a few weeks ago I was about to say my standard I want to be pretty after one of my trying moments and I stopped myself. I just heard my inner voice tell me to stop asking for that and I suddenly knew in my soul I had been asking for the wrong thing all along...........and so I re-centered and took a deep breath and said..........I want to FEEL pretty.  Yes that was it! It wouldn't matter how pretty I may or may not be unless I FELT pretty. This was my new prayer when I asked for help in that area of my life. I felt like I had turned a very important corner....and I have felt much better about myself.

Last night while sitting in a theater in NY watching the Broadway musical Beautiful with some friends I saw a whole bunch of lessons that I had missed before in the songs... I identified with Carole King in many ways...and watching that play and listening to her songs once again made me wish I had listened  closer back in the 70's, I could have saved myself decades of sadness..... But then again that was not my path, this one was and it got me where I needed to get eventually..... But let me tell you this...if you are reading this right now this is YOUR sign.....heed it now or take your time getting it......but do do get it. Carole did....

You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face
And show the world all the love in your heart
Then people gonna treat you better
You're gonna find, yes, you will
That you're beautiful as you feel......

With Love and in the Light,  Cassie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GE0TatKLHxo